The moment you know that you truly want something, is the moment you're afraid to lose it.
I reflect on this tonight, because in 6 days I will be married.
I didn't understand that the love between two souls can reach such a depth that staying by one's side is not an obligation, but a necessity. You cannot breathe unless you can hear their own breaths. You cannot resume living until you know that they will continue to do so.
On the Edge: My Story changed my perspective. It taught me that love was very real and much greater than I had ever imagined. And I cried and cried and cried once I understood this.
This evening I stumbled across "My Marriage Didn't End When I Became a Widow", written by Lucy Kalanithi. Her husband passed away from cancer. His last gift to the world was When Breath Becomes Air, a memoir which he wrote as he faded away.
The cynical side of me, the one that studied editing and publishing at university, notes that his wife writing such an opinion piece just before the book is released is a classic manoeuvre to drum up interest and sales. That compulsory marketing class paid off, I see.
The more passionate side of me, the one walking down an aisle this coming Saturday, barely made it halfway without bawling. Lucy Kalanithi's grief seems, to me, the way I would react if I lost the man I am about to marry. I would be the type to lie on his grave so that only soil and grass divides me from his withering husk.
Strange, for I have spent most of my life saying that once the body is vacated, it's no longer a person.
So I read this article, mindful that in less than a week I will be marrying my soul mate. It makes my fear of losing my husband even more painful and real. It's so very, very possible. And I will fall apart without him. I really will.
Lucy Kalanithi didn't change my perspective. Her piece confirmed that I really have come a long way since I was younger, when I lacked the true meaning of love and loss.
As much as I look forward to using this emotional knowledge in my work, I will never forget that it comes from a very real and scary place.
Alyce Caswell is an aspiring writer who apparently lost her mind, threw away a steady job as an office junior and entered the realm of imagination.
She has blamed her accomplice and husband for giving her this most excellent opportunity.
Alyce has written articles, poems, short stories, books
and several embarrassing blogs. She hopes this venture will avoid the usage of cat gifs.
Links of Interest
A Rambling Rover
Alyce's travel blog which features various castles, stone circles and bemused musings about the Northern Hemisphere.