You feel like a big fat failure now. But you're not.
The number 32 982 is haunting me.
For March, I set myself the task of a NaNoWriMo-style writing month (to "win" at NaNoWriMo, you must write 50 000 words in one month), in an attempt to bolster my word count and to better log my achievements.
I have, in my wardrobe, a NaNoWriMo winner shirt from 2013. That November was crazy. I wrote 60 000 words (while still working part-time) all in two weeks. I would have powered on but my grandfather passed and then I started using online dating which...well...it kind of stole my time. But I did end up with a fiancé!
So there I was in February 2015 thinking "oh, this will be easy!". I did not then go on to prove that black is white and get run over at a zebra crossing (thanks, Douglas Adams) but I did learn my lesson.
The muse packed up and abandoned me in disgust. Pretty sure she'd have slammed the door on the way out. So not only was I nauseous and sleepy, I was beating myself up because for frak's sake - you can still work in bed when you're a writer!! Gosh, stop being such a whinger!
I feel like a failure. Thing is, a sick day would never have bothered me if I was beholden to a full-time job keeping me out of the apartment. Back in the day, I used sick days to write because it was the only time I had!
But this is a job. And being sick does affect your performance.
Recently, I watched You've Got Mail for the nth time. And I am holding fast to Birdie's words. I feel like a failure. But I'm not. I'm human.
And also? I still have a shirt that says I'm a winner. :P
But the blisters stayed. For weeks. My wide feet just didn't seem to suit the narrow Converse style. And whenever it rained, I went skating across smooth surfaces, vainly hoping I wouldn't faceplant. How can the Doctor run from Daleks without falling over when it rains!?
Eventually I gave up on the lack of traction and picking the skin off my pinky toes and refused to wear the damn things again. But then I got a pair of blue Highs.
So by the time the third pair happened, you figured I'd know better. But they were special! Rubber! Waterproof! Fire engine red! The rubber range from Converse is super cool but...the rubber made them more rigid. So owie, owie. Could not even leave the apartment.
But my love for them inspired a small photoshoot incorporating the reddest things I could find. I'm still hanging on to these in the vain hope that one day they'll magically fit my wide, wide feet of doom. Or maybe they'll inspire a great story.
Sometimes I wonder if Converse shoes are more art than practical footwear. Anyway, to be worn by those gifted with narrow feet. Alas.
Alyce Caswell is an aspiring writer who apparently lost her mind, threw away a steady job as an office junior and entered the realm of imagination.
She has blamed her accomplice and husband for giving her this most excellent opportunity.
Alyce has written articles, poems, short stories, books
and several embarrassing blogs. She hopes this venture will avoid the usage of cat gifs.
Links of Interest
A Rambling Rover
Alyce's travel blog which features various castles, stone circles and bemused musings about the Northern Hemisphere.